"There on the storm, I am learning to let go of the will that I so long to control."

Today has been a long and trying day with ups and downs to match the trends of my life.

Kyra is penetrating the peacefulness of my life again.  I'm quite sure she had receded into the background and in fleeting instances I felt as though she had gotten over me.  Then I found out that I'm all that her and Brooke talked about, to my only partially surprise & disdain, and lo, it all returns.

Additionally, I am sick of myself.  Dead sick of myself.

Worry and anxiety and a lack of faith, from which the latter develop.

Jesus got angry when His disciples lacked faith.  I don't want to make Him angry too, so I have to try to get better.  But I don't know where to start apart from prayer and surrender, which is the only place to start, really.  So I'll pray.  And I'll keep surrendering my life.

Meanwhile, I'd like to go to bed.

I seem to have become an exceedingly restless creature when I actually have free time.  When I don't have something to do with my day, I've found myself wandering around without being able to maintain focus on one particular thing, or even accomplish anything particularly productive.

It kinda sucks, because I hate being busy, too. =/

<sub>"So clear this up for me...make me feel, make me real.  Without You I can't see.  Will You be my eyes?"
-The Less

Well, it's been about seven months since my last entry.  But I took a look at this this morning and I thought the idea of a steady, free blog was delightful since my website went down in October ($$$$).  I find the idea of primping up my layout and writing in this blog regularly absolutely amazing.  Since my site went down, I've been floating between not blogging and blogging in notebooks and journals, but I can never quite articulate my thoughts as fluidly as on the computer, since my hand writing takes so much longer than typing.

So, I think I'll start this up again, and it will be très exciting.

So far high school isn't getting any easier.  This year is, academically, THE HARDEST YET.  Hopefully next year won't be as bad.  At least I'm taking more classes of my choice than this year...I mean, technically I don't have to take French, or a science or math, but I'm going to.  In that regard it won't be as easy a senior year as some people's, but I guess easy would get boring or something.

Anyway...socially, this has been a year (I should say last year) of many changes.  I'm no longer best friends with my best friends; I formally called it quits and that has stuck for probably 4 months now.  It's different, but right now I can't say I regret it.  I should note, though, that missing something is different from regretting having done something. : )  Beyond that, I have drawn much, much closer to several people and grown more distant to others, whom I have before had loyally by my side.  Having a part time job has also created new friend opportunities, and I much enjoy every single one of the people I work with.

I guess I don't resent where my life is right now, but as most people do, there are other things that I wish I did or didn't have in it.

ADDITIONALLY, I'M WORKING ON WAY TOO MANY THINGS RIGHT NOW!

So with that I shall call this first of what will hopefully steady entries to a close and consider how to do my layout for here.

YAYYYY! ♥</sub>

 

I am going to be a JUNIOR now!  Yes, I meant that - a JUNIOR.  Like, I have one more year of high school after this one.  THANK THE LORD!  High school's been pretty rocky so far...to put it lightly.  Everything's completely different now.

I love thinking about Mindsay for the first time in months and knowing that it doesn't delete my account upon lack of activity, because then I can come back here and relish in my old thoughts.  Which, most of the time, are either amusing or interesting. xD
I was also drawn to this because this Thursday, July 26, 2007, it will be 3 years since Cinnamin died.  And the journal entries leading up to that day and even ON that day are still on here.  I can't say that I remember that much about Cinnamin anymore apart from Nikkei.  I just know that he used to mean a lot to me, so entries like the ones on here keep him alive.  I think the cat we got a few days after he died is turning out to be a lot like he was.  She's even gotten to be really attached to me, especially lately.  It's kind of comforting.  Cinnamin woulda liked her.

 

Here's a tribute to Cinnamin and his life in Nikkei: http://www.eternityinaday.net/New_Picture_Folder/NIKKEI.jpg

Whoa...looking back at the last 2004 entry...I was an out of control burden bearer.  xDDDD  I was literally making myself responsible for her well-being!  Well that has CHANGED.  GOD is in control and HE takes care of everyone - not me!

 

So...I guess that's all.  It feels like waaay less than a year ago since I last wrote in this, but it's been over a year!  Weird.  See you later!